I'm sure you know what Facebook is. It's that online networking website that allows you to collect friends, tag ugly photos of your enemies, throw Paula at people, and engage in little poke wars that, in truth, are really a covert version of Trevvy's very own kisses & spanks. Of course, Facebook isn't the only website of its kind. Friendster, its less hip cousin, also serves similar functions. And of course, there's Myspace, and if you're looking for one with a gay spin, there's Trevvy, of course. But unlike Trevvy, one's straight friends and acquaintances are probably on these other websites as well. This also means that they're privy to your the rest of your social lives, whether in the form of photos, or wall-to-wall posts. This could be a problem - Websites like Facebook have the tendency to throw the doors of one's closet wide open. For the average gay man who has yet to come out to the friends he grew up with, there is the tendency to have to two distinct social lives – one with the crowd that they grew up with, and one with the crowd they club with. For closeting purposes, this segregation is essential. It's all very exciting, this double-identity business. Dividing the two social groups neatly, keeping them blissfully unaware of each other, and listening in for information from both sides to keep the facade up. I'd dare say, though, that before the advent of the Internet, this was quite an easy game to play. Given the fact that straight men hardly interacted with gay men before, it was easy to keep to separate social cliques. In fact, it was very simple – just don’t introduce them to each other. After all, it’s not as though either side was itching to befriend the other. Sure, there may have been the occasional incident when one bumps into members of the straight clique while hanging out with a flaming queen. After all, Singapore is a pretty small place. But such bloopers were salvageable. With the right amount of deception, these encounters were easily explained away - business meetings, work lunches, and even an interest in joining theatre are some of the excuses that one used to be able to give. Throw in a right amount of reluctance, and a tinge of disgust, and it was easy to pull the wool over their eyes. But ignorance is slowly receding. And with that, comes greater awareness. Your straight friends are likely to raise their eyebrows when you tell them you have an interest in joining theatre. This is where Facebook comes in. With greater awareness and acceptance, more and more people are coming out of the closet. There will be those who are completely unabashed about their sexuality - who will crack gay jokes on everyone’s wall, join anti-homophobia groups, and put up the rainbow flag as their profile picture. And they will be your friends. Quite possibly your Top Friends, at that. It might be easy to explain away one or two of such friends. But as a gay man, it’s highly unlikely that you’ve only got a few gay friends. When a large proportion of your online friends comprise of hunky topless men, it’s going to be a little harder to find excuses. Given how facebook also has the uncanny ability to sniff out your sexuality, it also tends to display google ads and suggested links to even more gay-related websites. There’s also that inconvenient box with the header “People You Might Know” that’ll suggest more gay friends, to add to the whole expose. Then, there is the flip side. With greater awareness and acceptance, more and more straight people are meeting gay men, everyday. Given the gaggle of gossip queens that mark the ranks of gay men, it’s quite likely that these sisters will accidentally drop your name in one of their trademark bitching sessions. Straight men love a good gossip session too – while they may not have the drama to contribute to one, they certainly don’t mind listening in. And of course, they’ll also have realized that the rainbow is a gay motif, and that topless men on Facebook usually don’t dig vagina. It doesn't help that Facebook documents all of one's activities, via the mini-feed. One can't be constantly monitoring the photos that go up - I had the unfortunate experience of being dragged out of the closet when my NS friends realized I was at the Botanic Gardens in pink last year, on the day that the Pink Picnic was banned. This simply spells trouble for the closeted one. On one hand, tools such as facebook are great for keeping in touch with the many friends that one makes. However, it doesn't quite allow you to separate the perceptions that they have of you. There's only room for one identity on this website. But in truth, the solution is pretty simple, and rather obvious - Just come out, and be proud of who you are. After all, if your friends are asking you about it, they’re probably more curious than judgmental. And what better person to tell them what being gay is really about, than you? .  | 
No comments:
Post a Comment